smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
