Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
