yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
