Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
