his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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