How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize