If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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