I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
