Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
