exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
