When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
