Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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