That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
