Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
