if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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