I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
