i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
