And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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