I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize