i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
