Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
