it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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