Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
