What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
