hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
