Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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