She announced her abortion via fbk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize