too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
