I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
