Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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