well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she told me i tasted like america
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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