i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
