It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
