I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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