dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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