there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
