Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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