What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even my vagina gasped.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
