my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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