And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
