Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
