That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
