How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
