i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize