when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize