she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
