Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
