She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
