Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do herpes really smell.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
