you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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