If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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