I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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