tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
