found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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