before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
