You're my little dorito
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
