I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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