Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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