I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
