Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
