Will you blow on my dice?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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