its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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