what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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