Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
