Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
