I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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