Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
