She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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