Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize