...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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