omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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