I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
