god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
