It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
