She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize