4 words: hood of his car
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
