i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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