He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
