She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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