I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
