Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
